i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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