I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I smell like Dick and happiness
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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