He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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