Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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