You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
