Already got asked if we're dating
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
