Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
