See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
