My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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