I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
