I am in a vortex of obligation.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
