You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
