it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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