then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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