Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
