me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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