absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
