Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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