Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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