dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
