I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
