So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
