Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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