My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
