I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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