wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
