Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
