Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
