Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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