i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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