I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
