he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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