Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
