Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
