there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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