its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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