Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Come see our sink grown plant.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
