We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
