So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
