I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
