Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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