So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
