No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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