Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
