Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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