I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
