I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
