So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
