Pappa wants mamma naked
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
