They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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