now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
