gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
